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 [ZT]Who said China is a man's world? |
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laozhong
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作者：laozhong 在 海归酒吧 发贴, 来自【海归网】 http://www.haiguinet.com
Who said China is a man''s world?
I have a Chinese girlfriend, and I''m starting to see why so many guys turn off them after a few years in the country.
This afternoon I had just about had enough of her. We went to a coffee shop, and had a coffee. Naturally, as always, I footed the bill. After leaving the coffee shop my girlfriend noticed she had forgotten her umbrella. She asked me to go back upstairs and fetch it. So I did. I came back down, and gave her the umbrella, only to realise I''d also left my cap upstairs. I asked her to go and get it for me. Her response was: That''s not my problem. So I went back and got it, but to say I was annoyed would be an understatement. The incident just about epitomized what is really getting me pissed off about our relationship. Forget about equality in China. Women don''t want to be equal here, because the ride is too good. I pay for everything. The rent, the utilities, the food, the cabs, the holidays.
But that is not enough. She tells me that other guys here buy their gals a home, and cars. Why can''t I do that? Other guys are lihai (basically means business ability in that context) but I don''t, so she continually tells me. Now that really gets me annoyed. I''m not perfect, but I am honest, intelligent, and very hard-working. I work at an international school, and depending on what I do in any month, I can bring home good pay (I earned about 55 000Y in May, for example, although that''s much higher than usual; I did extra work). I get up every morning at six, and leave home at seven, and usually don''t get home till 6pm. Then I study for a couple of hours on my PhD. I spend all Sunday studying too. In contrast she gets up at around 10.00pm, (no, I''m not joking) and gets into her office by around 11.30 or 12.00pm. She does a few hours work (no more than 4-5), and then comes home. She earns a good wage by Chinese standards, (about 5000Y a month) but usually contributes nothing towards our mutual expenses. (although sometimes she will pay for the meal, or cab etc). She saves most of the money, but goes on shopping sprees. The house is littered with shoes and bags that she buys.
I once asked her to pay for 20% of the rent. She got really angry and said that is not how it''s done in China. The man pays for everything. I pointed out that in the west men and women are equal. She told me she didn''t want to be equal. I can see why.
The other problem is that everything is my fault. In Western countries we learn to take responsibility for our lives (at least I did). But in China dependency is the norm. So every time I have a problem I take responsibility for it. Every time she has one she beats up on me; a lot! I point this out to her and her response is that I don''t beat up on her because she is so good i.e. has no faults. I tell her that I don''t beat up on her because I don''t blame her for all my problems, and don''t make her responsible for my happiness. So this degenerates into a pattern of my trying to get on with my life, and her constantly criticising me and telling me my faults.
Does anyone else have this kind of arrangement with a Chinese woman? It seems to me to be totally unfair. But it will only get worse. When I marry her I will have to make regular contributions to her family. Am I the only one who sees the deal here as heavily stacked in the woman''s favor?
www.sinoyuan.com
作者：laozhong 在 海归酒吧 发贴, 来自【海归网】 http://www.haiguinet.com
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 [ZT]Who said China is a man's world? -- laozhong - (3451 Byte) 2006-2-15 周三, 06:07 (1686 reads)
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