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 [周末轻松一下]关于飞行员的笑话(ZT) 有几个很搞 |
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fufu
头衔: 海归中校
加入时间: 2005/04/11
文章: 256
来自: usa
海归分: 51081
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作者：fufu 在 海归商务 发贴, 来自【海归网】 http://www.haiguinet.com
ZT Flyer Talk
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British Airways flight asks for push back clearance from terminal.
Control Tower replies: "And where is the world's most experienced airline going today without filing a flight plan?"
***
ATC: Alitalia 345 continue taxi holding position 26 South via Tango check for workers along taxiway
AZA: Ali345 Taxi 26 Left a via Tango. Workers checked - all are working
***
ARN851: "Halifax Terminal, Nova 851 with you out of 13,000 for 10,000, requesting runway 15."
Halifax Terminal (female): "Nova 851 Halifax, the last time I gave a pilot what he wanted I was on penicillin for three weeks. Expect runway 06."
***
Lost student pilot: "Unknown airport with Cessna 150 circling overhead, identify yourself."
***
Tower: Have you got enough fuel or not?
Pilot: Yes.
Tower: Yes what??
Pilot: Yes, SIR
***
Contol: "AF1733, You are on an eight mile final for 27R. You have a UH-1 three miles ahead of you on final； reduce speed to 130 knots."
Pilot: "Rogo', Frankfurt. We're bringing this big bird back to one-hundred and thirty knots fer ya."
Cont: (a few moments later): "AF33, helicopter traffic at 90 knots now1 1/2 miles ahead of you； reduce speed further to 110 knots."
Pilot: "AF thirty-three reining this here bird back further to 110 knots"
Cont: "AF33, you are three miles to touchdown, helicopter traffic now 1 mile ahead of you； reduce speed to 90 knots"
Pilot (a little miffed): "Sir, do you know what the stall speed of this here C-130 is?"
Cont: "No, but if you ask your co-pilot, he can probably tell you."
***
Controller: AF123, say call sign of your wingman.
Pilot: Uh... approach, we're a single ship.
Controller: oh oh! You have traffic!
***
O'Hare Approach: USA212, cleared ILS runway 32L approach, maintain speed 250 knots.
USA212: Roger approach, how long do you need me to maintain that speed?
O'Hare Approach: All the way to the gate if you can.
USA212: Ah, OK, but you better warn ground control.
***
ATC: Pan Am 1, descend to 3,000 ft on QNH 1019.
Pan AM 1: Could you give that to me in inches?
ATC: Pan Am 1, descend to 36,000 inches on QNH 1019
***
Cessna 152: "Flight Level Three Thousand, Seven Hundred"
Controller: "Roger, contact Houston Space Center"
***
727 pilot: "Do you know it costs us two thousand dollars to make a 360 in this airplane?"
Controller: "Roger, give me four thousand dollars worth."
***
Beech Baron: Uh, ATC, verify you want me to taxi in front of the 747.
ATC: Yeah, it's OK. He's not hungry.
***
Student Pilot: "I'm lost； I'm over a big lake and heading toward the big E."
Controller: "Make several 90 degree turns so I can identify you on radar."
(short pause)...
Controller: "Okay then. That big lake is the Atlantic Ocean. Suggest you
turn to the big W immediately ."
***
Pilot: "Approach, Acme Flt 202, with you at 12,000' and 40 DME."
Approach: "Acme 202, cross 30 DME at and maintain 8000'."
Pilot: "Approach, 202's unable that descent rate."
Approach: "What's the matter 202? Don't you have speed brakes?"
Pilot: "Yup. But they're for my mistakes. Not yours."
***
Tower: "...and for your information, you were slightly to the left of the centerline on that approach."
Speedbird: "That's correct； and, my First Officer was slightly to the right"
***
A deer is on the runway... so...
Tower: Cessna XXX cleared for take-off.
Student: "What should I do? What should I do?"
Inst: "What do you think you should do?" (think-think-think)
Std: "Maybe if I taxi toward him it'll scare him away."
Inst: "That's a good idea." (Taxi toward deer, but deer is macho, and holds position.)
Tower: Cessna XXX cleared for take-off, runway NN.
Std: "What should I do? What should I do?"
Inst: "What do you think you should do?" (think-think-think)
Std: "Maybe I should tell the tower."
Inst: "That's a good idea."
Std: Cessna XXX, uh, there's a deer down here on the runway (long pause)
Tower: Roger XXX, hold your position. Deer on runway NN cleared for immediate departure. (Two seconds, and then －－ I presume by coincidence －－ the deer bolts from the runway, and runs back into the woods.)
Tower: Cessna XXX cleared for departure, runway NN. Caution wake turbulence, departing deer. It had to be tough keeping that Cessna rolling straight for take-off.
***
Tower: "Eastern 702, cleared for takeoff"
Eastern 702: "Tower, Eastern 702 switching to departure...by the way as we lifted off we saw some kind of dead animal on the far end of the runway."
Tower: "National 63 cleared for takeoff...did you copy the report from Eastern?"
National 63: "Roger, Tower, cleared for takeoff... yes, we've already notified our caterers."
***
Pilot: "Approach, Federated 303's with at 8000' for vectors ILS, full stop.
Approach: "Unable Federated 303. The ILS is out of service."
Pilot: "We'll take the VOR then."
Approach: "Sir, the VOR's in alarm right now. Standby."
Pilot: "OK, guess it'll have to be the ADF then."
Approach: "303, unable the ADF right now for traffic saturation."
Pilot: "OK, approach. State my intentions."
***
ATC: "N123YZ, say altitude."
N123YZ: "ALTITUDE!"
ATC: "N123YZ, say airspeed."
N123YZ: "AIRSPEED!"
ATC: "N123YZ, say cancel IFR."
N123YZ (Pause) "..........Eight thousand feet, one hundred fifty knots indicated."
***
BB: "Barnburner 123, Request 8300 feet."
Bay Approach: "Barnburner 123, say reason for requested altitude."
BB: "Because the last 2 times I've been at 8500, I've nearly been run over
by some bozo at 8500 feet going the wrong way!"
Bay: "That's a good reason. 8300 approved.
***
Controller: "FAR1234 confirm your type of aircraft. Are you an Airbus 330 or 340?"
Pilot: "A340 of course!"
Controller: "Then would you mind switching on the two other engines and give me a 1000 feet per minute, please?"
***
Tower (in Stuttgart): "Lufthansa 5680, reduce to 170 knots."
Pilot: "This is here like Frankfurt. There is also only 210 and 170
knots...But we are flexible."
Tower: "We too. Reduce to 173 knots."
***
Tower: "Delta Zulu Romeo, turn right now and report your heading."
Pilot: "Wilco. 341, 342, 343, 344, 345..."
***
Tower: "Mission 123, do you have problems?"
Pilot: "I think, I have lost my compass."
Tower: "Judging the way you are flying, you lost the whole instrument panel!"
***
Controller: "CRX600, are you on course to SUL?"
Pilot: "More or less."
Controller: "So proceed a little bit more to SUL."
***
Pilot: "Good morning, Frankfurt ground, KLM 242 request start up and push back, please."
Tower: "KLM 242 expect start up in two hours."
Pilot: "Please confirm: two hours delay?"
Tower: "Affirmative."
Pilot: "In that case, cancel the good morning!
作者：fufu 在 海归商务 发贴, 来自【海归网】 http://www.haiguinet.com
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 [周末轻松一下]关于飞行员的笑话(ZT) 有几个很搞 -- fufu - (6791 Byte) 2005-9-10 周六, 11:30 (1459 reads)
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