The Morning After The Election Tsunami.......
Canadian Border Crisis
From The Manitoba Herald
The flood of American liberals sneaking across
the border into Canada has intensified in the
past week, sparking calls for increased patrols
to stop the illegal immigration. The recent
actions of the Tea Party are prompting an
exodus among left-leaning citizens who fear
they'll soon be required to hunt, pray, and
agree with Bill O'Reilly and Glenn Beck.
Canadian border farmers say it's not
uncommon to see dozens of sociology
professors, animal-rights activists and
Unitarians crossing their fields at night. "I went
out to milk the cows the other day, and there
was a Hollywood producer huddled in the
barn," said Manitoba farmer Red Greenfield,
whose acreage borders North Dakota . "The
producer was cold, exhausted and hungry. He
asked me if I could spare a latte and some
free-range chicken. When I said I didn't have
any, he left before I even got a chance to
show him my screenplay."
He then installed loudspeakers that blared
Rush Limbaugh across the fields. "Not real
effective," he said. "The liberals still got
through and Rush annoyed the cows so much
that they wouldn't give any milk."
Officials are particularly concerned about
smugglers who meet liberals near the
Canadian border, pack them into Volvo station
wagons and drive them across the border
where they are simply left to fend for
themselves. "A lot of these people are not
prepared for our rugged conditions," an
Ontario border patrolman said. "I found one
carload without a single bottle of imported
drinking water. They did have a nice little Napa
Valley cabernet, though."
When liberals are caught, they're sent back
across the border, often wailing loudly that
they fear retribution from conservatives.
Rumors have been circulating about plans
being made to build re-education camps where
liberals will be forced to drink domestic beer
and watch NASCAR races.
In recent days, liberals have turned to
ingenious ways of crossing the border. Some
have been disguised as senior citizens taking
a bus trip to buy cheap Canadian prescription
drugs. After catching a half- dozen young
vegans in powdered wig disguises, Canadian
immigration authorities began stopping buses
and quizzing the supposed senior-citizens
about Perry Como and Rosemary Clooney to
prove that they were alive in the '50s. "If they
can't identify the accordion player on The
Lawrence Welk Show, we become very
suspicious about their age," an official said.
Canadian citizens have complained that the
illegal immigrants are creating an organicbroccoli
shortage and are renting all the
Michael Moore movies. "I really feel sorry for
American liberals, but the Canadian economy
just can't support them," an Ottawa resident
said. "How many art-history majors does one
country need?"
In an effort to ease tensions between the
United States and Canada , Vice President
Biden met with the Canadian ambassador
Gary Doer and pledged that the administration
would take steps to reassure liberals. A source
close to President Obama said, "We're going
to have some Paul McCartney and Peter, Paul
& Mary concerts. And we might even put some
endangered species on postage stamps. The
President is determined to reach out," he said.
